Random One-Liners

Every once in awhile my own personal brain hatches an odd thought that it finds amusing. 
No guarantees, but perhaps your brain will be entertained:

  1. I fell asleep in the bathtub last night and almost drowned. Fortunately my toy dolphins pushed me to the surface.
  2. My career could use more publicity but I can’t afford a PR firm, so I’ve decided to go with a small scandal. Taking suggestions now.
  3. I have been suspicious of cats since I was three years old and caught them using my sandbox for their personal needs.
  4. Unlike humans and chimps who fight, bonobos (pygmy chimps) settle their disagreements by engaging in “play and sex.” This should be required for congress.
  5. I had a girlfriend named Miriam Webster. She knew a lot of words.
  6. Long, hard slog today writing the Great American Tweet. 
        (That was it...what do you think? Pulitzer?)
  7. Krakatoa is my favorite volcano that sounds like a hot cereal.
  8. All my life I’ve wanted not to peak too early. I think I’ve succeeded.
  9. Never look down on short people.
  10. The fastest, most effective way to learn about servant leadership
    is to take a puppy for a walk.

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